Tuesday, August 03, 2010

TMI or Why Holding it in is a Bad Idea


***Heads up on this being a rather gross post of a personal nature. If you read further, please don't judge me***


I'm in the middle of making something of a pastry-ish nature for a friend. I need my marble slab which I am positive is down in my basement where I've kept it for years. I go down to our laundry/stuff room and begin to look.

It isn't in it's normal spot so I begin to search deeper into areas that are less accessible. My bladder begins to give me warning tingles. I ignore it. I keep looking. I just KNOW it's down here somewhere! I push aside a few boxes in an annoyed manner. Where the heck is it?

I HATE losing things!

My bladder warns me again, this time a little more forcefully. I know I am THIS CLOSE to finding that slab!! Shove a few more boxes aside. No marble slab. More tingly-wingly.

OK! OK!!

I pick my way quickly through the stuff piled everywhere and head for the door.

Fortunately we have installed a bathroom in the basement. I run for the potty and begin to drop trou.

Two things happen at once: My bladder begins to let loose and my stack of credit cards falls out of my back pocket and into the toilet. I helplessly watch as they sink to the bottom. They're plastic!! Shouldn't they FLOAT?! Apparently not.

I make a grim decision: A little pee is no better than a lot of pee so I cater to the bodily urge to relieve myself and and let them sink. Then yes. I REACHED IN and RETRIEVED my cards. Then I bleach disinfected both my cards and my hand. Which was a bold move, as you know how I feel about bleach! Anyway, I think everything turned out fine. Just trust me when I say I ultra disinfected my cards AND my digits, so NO WORRIES about the pastry thingy, ALRIGHT??

7 comments:

Kristiner said...

Hahaha! Your honesty cracks me up!

Peggy said...

Three things:

1. [As I'm wiping mirth tears from my cheeks] Thanks! I needed that.

2. Reason #341 why I love Tammy: The usage of phrases like "drop trou," complete with a link to the definition that's almost as funny as this post.

3. It would take a LOT more than peed on hands to make me turn down something that's both pastry-ish and Tammy-made.

i'm erin. said...

NO Friggin WAy! ha ha har. I'm dying here. Seriously. That's so gross-cool-hippy-daring-disgusting all at once.
Now I love you.

a little music said...

Well, I, for one, am grateful for the links, because I had forgotten about the bleach incident altogether!

But did you find your marble slab? That's what concerns ME??? Bleach cures all kinds of disinfectant problems, but your pastry dilemma really was dependent upon that marble! I just keep mine on the kitchen counter, and use it as a cutting board. It happens to be a lovely dark green marble and I love how it looks, so I like it around anyway. ;)

a little music said...

Oh, and about the pee, well, I'm just relieved you made it. You could have had a worse mess to clean up, you know! :D

kellieanne said...

THAT was hilarious! I am with Peggy - it would totally take more than peed on hands to stop me digging into anything you make!

Which by the way - HOLY MOUNTAIN OF CHOCOLATE STRAWBERRIES AND LUSCIOUS CAKE! You created my favorite cake ever! Thank you!!!!

JoMamma said...

Thank goodness for bleach. Thanks for sharing that was way to funny

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