Thursday, June 04, 2009

What would you do?

This is the baby quilt I made for Cameron.
 
It was during my green & blue stage.  I was so drawn to chartreuse when I was pregnant with him.  I found the pattern at an adorable quilt shop in Brigham City.  I was in love as soon as I saw it.  I didn't know what I was having yet, but I knew I would be using this pattern for sure.
 After I had an ultrasound and learned we were having a boy, I began to collect fabric.  I was very particular while choosing and I remember putting so much thought into every piece.  I added the sashing and corner squares, they weren't part of the original pattern.  And speaking of the pattern, I clearly remember cursing the ultra-lame instructions that weren't very good.  This was definitely NOT a beginner quilt.  I had to totally modify the yellow starburst pieces to make the block work.  No offense to the pattern creator, but this was truly one of the WORST  patterns I had ever tried to work with.  And when it was all said and done, probably the second-most difficult and time consuming quilt I have ever made. Sixty degree angles are a you-know-what!  I finished the top before Cameron was born and began to hand quilt it.  

Stupidest decision ever.

 After quilting about a third of the quilt, (which took me over a year....)  I finally came to my senses, took out the hand quilting and begged Kellie (actually, she had been offering all along....I was just reluctant to tear out all my hard work!) to machine quilt it for me so I could actually finish it before Cameron's high school graduation.  Within just days, the quilting was done, and the quilt was bound and finished.  Cameron was about two years old.   I was expecting Connor within just a couple months and was determined  to not have a baby quilt back log.  I can't honestly say it is Cameron's favorite quilt and he drags it around everywhere, but he does use it and even now, I just love looking at it and feel a sense of real accomplishment at having persevered until it was completed.  So. I ask you now.  Was I justified in screaming obscenities and having a crying fit that almost mad me puke when i saw...............




THIS:





I went downstairs to switch over laundry and smelled something horribly wrong. 

Bleach.

 I don't even use chlorine bleach in my regular laundry. I had pulled it out to make a sanitizing solution to combat the blight on my brand-new Mother's Day tree (that's another story....) and asked one of the kids to put the bottle back downstairs under the folding table. 

I have NO IDEA how the bleach leaked onto the floor. 

I have NO IDEA how the quilt made it's way 15 feet from the laundry pile to it's fateful spot behind the chair that sits next to the folding table. 

I have NO IDEA WHY of all the laundry down in the pile the ONE THING that would make me the most ILL at having been RUINED is the ONLY THING that soaked up two cups of STRAIGHT BLEACH!!!!!!! 


I was devastated. My kids were utterly shocked and confused at my reaction. I won't even blame it on my hormonal state. My mourning was legit. It didn't help that Jason treated me like I was crying over burnt cookies, but that is neither here nor there. My kids did spend the rest of the night trying to console me as best they could.  

So. Now I am left with a decision:  

Do I leave the quilt as is and hope that my pain will fade over time (it won't....) so that every time I look at it I don't relive the horrible moment when reality sunk in?
 
OR:

Do I pack the quilt away so my devastation is not relived on a daily basis?  Only to come across it at a later date and begin my mourning anew?

OR:

Do I painstakingly pick apart the beautiful quilting and relive the frustration of piecing a nightmare to replace the two and a half ruined blocks, along with the sashing, two borders and binding, then prevail upon my friend to re-quilt just so I can have peace of mind?

What say you? 

13 comments:

Wendy said...

My jaw has literally hit the floor! Oh. My. Gosh!

I'm devastated for you.

But keep it, rejoice in its new uniqueness and the story it tells. Frankly, I love it more for having a large mark on it for having been through an ordeal.

But my jaw has still hit the floor -- my condolences.

kellieanne said...

I would need some serious counseling. I'm so not kidding.

Melanee said...

I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could say or do.

Wow.

I would have to agree with Wendy. Keep the quilt like it is. It might be a learning moment later on (for your grandkids grandkids). But I would probably have to put it away and I have never done anything 1/2 as gorgeous as that quilt. I too would probably mourn it for weeks and months.

Peggy said...

Dang, Tammy! That really stinks. A lot!!!!

Here's how I see it:

1) You can't pack away the quilt after all you put into it! Especially since Cameron loves it.

2) I can't even imagine the huge chunk of hours it would take to fix the quilt. And you've got a new baby quilt to start on!

If you as me, that leaves you with one option:

Change what you think of when you see the quilt.

Right now, you're thinking tragedy, devastation, and pain. (Which is more than understandable!! Tell Jason to tune in to his feminine side.)

That's gotta change. How? With a story, of course! You need to have a story you think of when you see it that makes you happy instead of sad. Any story that works, well... works. If you need one to get you started, I wrote one for you. It didn't seem right to put a whole story in your comments, so I put it on my blog instead. ( Peggy's Blog ) Hopefully, it will help you have happier thoughts whenever you see the quilt than you've got right now.

Ella said...

Tammy, I am so sorry! I can imagine the pain you feel, I have felt the same, I have an afgan my grandmother gave to me and ashley took scissors after it. I screamed alot! I scared the hell out of the little friend she had over. I was so upset I just balded after screaming my head off. Anyway I got over it.I think you should do what you think will make you feel at piece. But I would not put it away , you have worked too hard on that, not to let him enjoy it. Again I feel you pain and I am so so sorry.

Piglet de' Erin said...

oh no no no no! I am in shock, crying, feeling like I am going to puke, insane. I don't know what to say.

If I was a magic fairy i would turn back time, rush over and pick it up off your floor before it happened.

Oh, I am just sick for you. I say, just fold it so you cant see the bleach spot.

JoMamma said...

I am so sorry.

Maybe some fabric paint. No that would never be as beautiful as the original.

haley said...

Oh Tammy! That makes me feel sick. I have never let Emma use the quilt you helped me make for her, for fear that something like this would happen. I loved Peggy's story, though. I hope it helps take away a little of the pain that you have to be feeling!

Kendall said...

i feel your pain. I had my first quilt ruined because it was left out in the rain and all the colors ran together. i did it at school and was so pround of it and it got left outside all night. but i still use it and look past the flaws and love it for it unique personality

a little music said...

One of the really great things about having kids is how much we love them, despite everything they ruin. I can't tell you how many hours I've spent crying over all of the things I didn't get to keep nice, and there have been just a few times where I have actually yelled at my kids and said stupid things like "Can't I have just ONE nice thing in our home???"

The truth of the matter is that the most precious things I have in my home are my kids. God gave me only 3 of them, and they are my treasures.

I really loved your quilt, and I actually gasped when I scrolled down and saw that horrible bleach spot. But in years to come, I think you'll look at that spot and smile, because the spot won't cheapen the blankie for your son at all. He'll still drag it around and love it just as much. The work you put into it because you love him isn't gone - that can't be taken away. You can't undo all the love that went into all of your labor.

I say leave it, and learn to love it. Let it remind you of how things almost always work out for us as moms. We always have such great intent, and we put so much labor of love into our kids, and then we take them as they are, flaws and bleach spots and all, just like they take us.

Whaddaya think?

Love,

Ruth

{e.l¯i_z•a} said...

sweet tammy, you absolutely must not pack it away! it is the best object lesson in the 'verse. every time you look at it (and rub this into your kids too) you can remember that Heavenly Father puts a ton of work into us and that we are his masterpieces and he just loves us to death. and then we come here and mess ourselves up a bit, inevitably, but he still loves us to death and remembers us in our perfect stage. sooner or later (this is the best part) we all get resurrected to be perfect again! your quilt is just a little reminder of mistakes, repentance, and redemption.
besides, i bet you anything that if you ask, he'll resurrect your quilt for you too--no problem--just ask him next time you see him! but for now, make sure you use it everyday so it is so full of love that nothing else matters.

and p.s. this is SUCH a nice time to have a beautiful photo in your collection. xox,kristen

Ashley said...

Wow, all the comments on here are so nice. At first I thought people were brave to tell you to keep it as is. I thought "but that's not what she wants...at least I don't think it is!"

And then the comment just before this one really hit me. There are so many analogies in that blanket that can be tied to the gospel.

And I am going to be brave and say that I think you should keep it as is. Try it out for a year or maybe even 6 months of normal use. If the pain doesn't subside, then consider one of the other options. But right now it is hard to make the best decision when emotions are running high.

You never know, it may grow on you, as weird as that sounds. But I say try it out and see what happens!

I hope that helps. Please let us know what you end up doing!

p.s. I loved that story, by the way. She must be an amazing lady!

EärwenElórë said...

how terrible!!! bleach! I can hate bleach stains sooo much!!!

well, i'd say that if you can fix it...try to. Its worth it...

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